Well, the past month included some things I never imagined that I would be a part of. Since my last post, I have been up to the usual, attempting to get my apartment to where I would like it. Bought my first set of nice kitchen knives:
got some frames for my posters, unfortunately they just won't work, so bare walls a bit longer (though I have convinced dad to make me some custom ones)
I went for a nice visit home, helped my mom out at the shop (Second Hand Rose in Bennington, VT, planning a post soon) even saw some of my dad's work displayed in our local gallery. Very proud of my pops:
After all this, I got excited, as usual, for our annual office party for the Boston Marathon. Our offices are located just before the finish line and in between working, we all gather around the windows to watch. It is a spirited day for our office, especially since we have an amazing co-worker (and lucky me, friend) that is very inspiring, to cheer on! I like to make a treat, even though we always order food too. Always fun to let my colleague know that we are cheering her on, so this year it was chocolate on chocolate cupcakes with flags:
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It was a different day from the start. Instead of getting off at the Arlington stop like I do any other Marathon Monday, I went to the Prudential stop and walked that way back to the office. I figured I would walk to Arlington at the end of the day, since I really like cheering on the amazing stragglers at the very end of the day. Those, that against all odds, finished the race, no matter of the time. Every year, that warms my heart, to see those who feel the same and stay to cheer. Once in the office, I settled in and planned to get my cupcakes ready later in the day, after lunch. I knew that we would have a temporary receptionist that day, so I was keeping my eyes out for her, as I was tagged to help her get used to the phone system. Once helping her settle in, I went on with my day. One of my colleagues noted there just weren't very many of us there that day (of course my thoughts went back to the 4 cases of beer I jammed in the fridge, that's going to be fun!) We periodically get up and stand at our windows, between 745 and 755 Boylston St. We have a set of bow windows that allow us to look up Boylston and down to the finish. We see the wheelchairs, amazingly finishing, we see the elite, we see the soldiers who march, packs on and all (they always hit me hard) and of course, we track our colleague. She was set to finish at 1:41 (yeah, she is pretty amazing!). We had a great lunch and mingled, starting on our beers. Even though there weren't as many of us as usual, the energy was still high. We were downstairs to see her finish, signs in hand, keeping a close watch til we see her. When we do, we scream loud and of course, she knew where to look, the most amazing part, the girl looked like she hadn't even broken a sweat! We head back in for some more work, checking the windows periodically. I headed back out with my friend to see one of her friends who was slated to finish around 2:30. We went out, wedged our way into the metal barrier, a little up the street, and saw her friend power past a little before 2:30. After a few minutes, we figured we should really head back in to do more work. Finish the beers at 4 was my plan for the rest of the day. Back in the office, stir crazy as usual (I cannot sit still for too long), I went and watched more finishers in our CEO's office, wandered and went back to my desk to work on some guides. At 2:49 I was reminded to play Words With Friends, as I opened it (knowing I didn't have a prayer of making a good word, what's new?) a loud boom shook our office. I recall thinking, I don't remember cannons at the marathon before... the details are all still fuzzy to me, neither me or my friend can quite recall those moments exactly. I know I stood and walked back towards my CEO's office, where I could look out the windows (would love to know why that was my reaction) once I was near, a second blast went off, I really felt this one and watched the shades shake. From my position, I just heard screams from the open window and saw crowds of people running up the hill towards Shaw's. All I can remember is thinking "the marathon is over?" Of course, at that point, none of us knew what was really happening below. I just know what set in was a shocked feeling, luckily we had an amazing CFO in the office and he was loud and clear, "stay away from the windows and call your family, this will be on the news in minutes." In that time, I texted my significant other in a panic and called my mom. Well, actually I first called myself first... Our cell phones had no service so we used our land-lines and I dialed the area code and finished with mine, it took me a minute to figure out that was why my phone was ringing. Shaky hands and all, I called my mom to say I was ok but I think bombs have gone off outside my building. I told her I would text her but we are staying in our office and I will be ok. (Nothing freaks a mom out like too little information). At some point, I know I went back to the window as things calmed down... I am still very unsure on the exact timing and especially the "why" I went there, but what I saw will always be there. Like I said, fuzzy on the details all around. At some point everyone was at the bow window and I went and looked down at Forum below, also another thing I just can't recall why or when. At that point we were told we need to evacuate into the alley. I thought enough to grab my laptop and mouse and, for some reason, go to the front desk and turn off the TV, but going down the stairs, single file, with my colleagues was the scariest part, I just recall being scared that there could be more and kept thinking about what to do if the stairwell collapses. After what seemed as forever, we made it into the alley, it was packed, people crying, police yelling. We all were together and then just lost almost everyone. Every block we stopped and hoped we would find our colleagues, as I mentioned, cell service was down and I could barely get a hold of my friend on the second floor. Everything I got was confusing and we kept getting pushed further and further back, towards the Charles. I convinced my friend I was with to walk to my house, it is only two miles away in Cambridge. What followed was the typical, glued to the television, trying to understand what just occurred. The strangest part was that I just don't feel like I was there. My friend and I did the math and realized we were out there only 15 to 20 minutes before. So many questions left unanswered, and as I hear about all the amazing people who rushed to help, I feel a little disappointed that that wasn't my reaction. I just remember feeling scared. From that point on, we obviously couldn't go back into Boston, our block was the epicenter of the crime scene. I worked from home, not easy, but possible at least. I ran every day for my lunch break. It felt like my own little defiant way of saying you can't stop me. As the week went on, it was hard to get back to normal, since normal is my office, my cubicle, my colleagues... but after we finally got clues on who the bombers were, my friend met me on Thursday and we headed to Kendall Square to find dinner, in our wandering, we looked at the Strata Center, both admiring it. I just went recently, but she wants to see it again too. We ended up at Legal Seafood's for some dinner and headed back to East Cambridge after. She headed home after 9. That night I slept poorly and decided I could sleep in a bit longer before working, little did I know what I would wake to. The next morning, I had texts and missed calls telling me to stay in my apartment and lock the doors. I was so confused and slightly freaked out, realizing a police officer was killed in the same area I ran everyday, feeling safe and where only an hour or so before the incident, my friend and I were. Obviously, again glued to the television and staying locked down, I tried to just focus on my work that needed to get done. Then came news that they lived not even ten blocks from me. Once this all was done, I felt so happy we got them and now we can focus on what really matters, those harmed during the blasts.
I got to see my parents on Sunday, I think we both needed it. On the way, I decided it felt important to show my respect and leave some flowers on Boylston street. I did not realize there would be a service at Berkeley and Boylston, but I found a little spot in the barricade to weave my bouquet. I was a little bummed it wouldn't be with the rest, but it felt good to just leave a little support. I went on with my day and hugged my parents as hard as I could.
It was still a few days before our block was open again. Surprisingly, late on Tuesday night we got word we can head back in the morning. I decided to head in early, Copley station was back open, but I decided to complete my walk from Arlington and prepare myself. I took a deep breath and grabbed a coffee at Starbucks, right before Berkeley. I recall seeing that everything that was left at the barricades were moved to a single location in Copley Square, I even tried to spy my flowers on the news. Imagine my surprise and comfort, to see that someone decided to tie a flag and some flowers to a tree at the corner of Boylston and Berkeley, and to recognize the simple yellow ribbon tied around white mums as my own:
That gave me strength, of all the flowers, there mine were, to show my sentiments of support and comfort for everyone to feel. The rest of the walk was quiet and eery but I made it into the office and tried to get back into things. Buses with messages of solidarity and strength helped me and numerous other Bostonians:
In the afternoon, my friend and I went to see the memorial area set up in Copley Square. It was organized into areas (happy for us with mild cases of OCD):
And after work, we decided to support our street and grab a beer:
Things are getting a little more normal, it still seems strange to walk every day, over the tragic areas. There are still numerous reminders of how life has changed, whether it is windows being replaced and big yellow and blue ribbons and One Fund and Boston Strong decals in windows, the significant Boston police presence, the boarded front of Forum, and even the knitted street lamp covers. I recently had the opportunity to walk from Arlington again and walked past some amazing and beautiful prayer ribbons and even saw that, even two and a half weeks later, my flowers and ribbon are still there.
I know this is something that will take a long time to get past, for everyone, but I hope that others feel the same connection to those around them and take some time to realize that our days are not promised. I have been spending a lot of time thinking of what I want my life to be and wondering what I am waiting for...
Thanks for taking the time to read my story, it is the first time I have fully told it and I know it is an experience that will remain with me. Please, if you can, donate to the One Fund:
